The Hidden Mental Load On Siblings When A Young Person is Struggling

When a young person is facing challenges such as mental health concerns, substance use or instability, the impact is rarely isolated to just one individual. Families often focus their attention on the child in immediate need, but there is another group quietly affected in the background: siblings.

The experience of having a brother or sister who is struggling can create a significant emotional and psychological burden. Often described as the mental load on siblings, this pressure can shape family relationships, wellbeing and long-term outcomes in ways that are not always visible. Family psychology insights highlight that when one child struggles, the effects tend to ripple across the entire family, influencing how each member experiences support, attention and connection.

The mental load on siblings refers to the emotional pressure, responsibility and internal stress experienced by brothers and sisters when someone in the family is going through a difficult period.

This can include worry about their sibling’s safety or future, feeling responsible for helping or holding things together, suppressing their own needs to avoid adding pressure, and managing complex emotions such as guilt, frustration or confusion.

Research shows that sibling relationships play a critical role in emotional and behavioural development across the lifespan. They influence mental health, coping strategies and social outcomes, meaning that when one sibling is struggling, the impact on others can be significant and long-lasting. This highlights why these dynamics should not be overlooked when considering family wellbeing.

When one child requires ongoing support, family dynamics naturally adjust. Time, energy and emotional resources are often directed where they are most urgently needed.

While this response is understandable, it can unintentionally create imbalance. Insights from family psychology research suggest that when one child’s needs dominate family attention, siblings may begin to feel overlooked, overburdened or uncertain about their place within the family structure. Over time, this imbalance can affect both individual wellbeing and long-term sibling relationships.

Not all siblings experience this situation in the same way. Their responses often depend on personality, family roles and expectations.

Some siblings begin to feel invisible. When attention is consistently directed elsewhere, they may stop sharing their own challenges altogether, believing their needs are less important.

Others take on the role of the reliable one. While they may appear independent and capable, this can come with an unspoken expectation that they do not need support.

In some families, siblings take on responsibilities that go beyond their role. This can include mediating conflicts, providing emotional support or helping manage crises. Over time, this type of pressure can contribute to anxiety and burnout, particularly when young people feel responsible for situations they cannot control.

The mental load carried by siblings can have lasting effects. Young people in these situations may experience anxiety, ongoing stress, feelings of guilt for being “okay”, and frustration that is difficult to express.

Evidence also indicates that siblings of individuals experiencing mental health challenges are more likely to experience mental health difficulties themselves, reinforcing the importance of recognising sibling dynamics early.

In many cases, these young people do not actively seek help. They may minimise their own experiences or feel that their struggles are not significant enough to warrant attention, particularly when compared to what their sibling is going through.

Siblings are often seen as coping well, especially when compared to a brother or sister facing more visible challenges.

Families may unintentionally prioritise immediate or urgent needs, assume resilience means no support is required, or avoid additional conversations in an effort to reduce stress within the household.

However, family and sibling dynamics are often under-recognised in support systems, despite their strong influence on long-term wellbeing. Recognising this gap is an important step toward creating more balanced and supportive family environments.

Supporting one child should not come at the expense of another. Small, intentional actions can make a meaningful difference.

This includes regularly checking in with all children, acknowledging each child’s experience and perspective, setting clear boundaries so siblings are not placed in caregiving roles, and encouraging open and honest conversations without judgment.

Allowing siblings to decide how involved they want to be can also help reduce pressure and prevent resentment from building over time. Creating space for siblings to be heard reinforces that their wellbeing matters equally.

Sir David Martin Foundation is committed to supporting young people experiencing challenges related to substance use, mental health and disconnection.

Sir David Martin Foundation is a major funder of Mission Australia’s Triple Care Farm, where connection and compassion are built into every stage of recovery.

Programs like Triple Care Farm provide structured support that helps young people rebuild routines, develop life skills and regain a sense of stability. This approach not only supports individual recovery but also helps ease pressure on families, allowing healthier dynamics to develop over time.

When young people are supported in a consistent and compassionate environment, it creates space for families to reconnect and rebalance.

When a young person is struggling, it is natural for attention to focus on immediate needs. However, recognising the experiences of siblings is essential to supporting long-term wellbeing within the family.

The mental load on siblings is real, even when it is not immediately visible. By acknowledging their role, listening to their experiences and creating space for support, families can strengthen relationships and build a more balanced path forward. Access to the right support can make a meaningful difference, and families can explore available guidance and services through our resources page to better understand how to support every young person within the family.